Issue #32: Epic Fail

June 2023

 
  • Escaping the Cult of Success

    When I first envisioned this issue, I thought about what it means to fail. I’ve failed so many times in my life—sometimes because of my own choices, sometimes because of things outside of my control. I’d like to think that my failures have been small(ish) because I’m not too proud to say “that was a mistake” and change direction. Just ask my three ex-husbands. On the other hand, there’s a feeling that I’ve come to know well. It’s the feeling in the pit of your stomach just before the car spins out of control, just after you’ve hit “send” on an angry email, just as you get to your front door and realize your keys are not in your pocket. It’s that certain knowledge that you have failed.

    There’s something called the “sunk cost fallacy,” which is the tendency to stick with an unsuccessful course of action just because you’ve invested a lot of time, money, or effort into it. We’ve all looked at a problem we’ve been sweating over and said “I’ve come this far—I can’t just quit now!” The problem with the sunk cost fallacy is that most catastrophic failures happen incrementally, and the promise of success is always tantalizingly near. It’s the basis of multi-level marketing scams, where victims are promised that they will start raking in the cash if they buy just one more round of products, or attend one more high-priced sales conference, or convince one more friend to join. And, like any pyramid scheme, when it inevitably comes crashing down, it’s the kind of shitshow that people love to talk about, dissect, and gloat over.

    In the US, we have an individualistic culture that encourages us to be blind to the cost of success. Americans have generated a ton of inspirational quotes that encourage us to always look forward toward success, rather than backward at the costs: Failure is not an option (Gene Kranz, chief flight director for NASA). Second place is the first loser (Dale Earnhardt, race car driver). All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them (Walt Disney, cartoonist and entrepreneur). Energy and persistence conquer all things (Benjamin Franklin, American colonial statesman). Eyes on the prize (Alice Wine, civil rights activist). Even though many of these quotes came from real leaders in circumstances where lives or freedoms were at risk, they have been co-opted by advertising firms, who have used them to keep people buying more products to achieve success (or at least the accoutrements of success), rather than examining their failures. It’s the mentality that fosters our belief that success is just around the corner. It’s the mentality that leads people to double down on their mistakes. It’s the mentality that sets people up for epic failure, because epic failure is never just one bad decision—it’s one bad decision that leads to another, and another, and another.

    Personally, I love epic fail stories that fall into one of two categories: hilarious and tragic. (If there’s another category, let me know.) Hilarious epic failures seem to be the basis of every television sitcom: Lucy wants help promote Ricky’s show, so she puts on a disguise and passes herself off as visiting royalty. Aunt Bea wants to save some money, so she buys an entire side of beef. Rob wants Laura to stop opening his mail, so he writes a comedy sketch about her. (Can you tell I haven’t watched any sitcom produced after I was born?) Each failure is so outrageous that you can’t help but laugh, and the longer they go on, the funnier they are. But you know that if you were ever in the same situation, without the laugh track, without the “whomp whomp” background music, it wouldn’t be funny at all.

    Contrast this with tragic epic fail stories, or what I like to call “the bad judgement train.” Once the characters board the bad judgement train, there’s no getting off until the spectacular, grisly train wreck. One of the best examples of this genre is the novel House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III. It starts out with a woman who neglects to pay the tax bill on a house she has inherited. When the house is mistakenly sold, the desperate woman makes a series of increasingly awful decisions that ultimately end in death. The tragedy of these stories is their sense of “there, but for the grace of God, go I.” Any one of us could have made any one of those decisions if we had been in the same circumstances. Tragic epic fail stories are the accidents we can’t look away from because looking at them allows us to feel good about not being in that situation.

    Epic failure stories are important, not because they serve as object lessons, but because they enforce the notion of our shared humanity. There is not a single person among us who hasn’t made a mistake—who hasn’t experienced failure. We are imperfect beings, and we learn by making mistakes and then examining what led to those mistakes. None of us wants to think of ourselves as nothing but the sum of our failures, and yet how often do we label others by the mistakes they’ve made? If grudge holding was aerobic, most of us would be thinner than supermodels.

    We invite you into this issue to examine some epic failures, and we challenge you to look beyond the comedy or tragedy to find the humanity.

    • Lise Quintana

Lawrence Bridges

The Lights Are On in the Work Trailers

Lawrence’s poetry has appeared in The New Yorker, Poetry, and The Tampa Review. He has published three volumes of poetry: Horses on Drums (Red Hen Press, 2006), Flip Days (Red Hen Press, 2009), and Brownwood (Tupelo Press, 2016). You can find him on IG: @larrybridges


Leslie Brown

Rig Explosion

Leslie’s published work appears in Blue Nib, Rigorous, Ragazine, Great Lakes Review. The failure event Leslie selected is the “2010 Deepwater Horizon Oil Rig Explosion in the Gulf of Mexico.” The images in this submission are digitally modified. Leslie Brown.


J S Carpenter

Home. Less.

Identifying as neurodivergent and queer, J S is chief horizon-gazer for a medium-sized homelessness enterprise she helped build. J S has had poetry and prose published in half a dozen publications including the 2022 NeurodiVERSE anthology, Firewords 15 and Queerlings.


Kae Chatman

Losing My Finger

Kae holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Wichita State University, and an MA and PhD in Philosophy from Kansas University. Kae taught at Philander Smith College and the University of Arkansas at Little Rock, among others. She still lives in Arkansas with her wife and beautiful dachshund.


Kevin Connelly

Fearsome Critters

Kevin is a writer and pediatric emergency medicine physician. He has worked as a writer and medical consultant for Amazon, several universities, startup companies, and national healthcare groups. The things he sees in the ER inspire him to write horror short stories and middle-grade fiction.

  • Many artists and authors are creative in multiple disciplines. What other types of art do you create?
    I enjoy woodworking and baking. My apple pie recipe has won bake-offs many times!

    What is the single best sentence you've ever read?
    "But, O Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth, and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you in the garish day, and the darkest night amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours always, always, and, if the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air cools your throbbing temples, it shall be my spirit passing by." - The Last Letter of Major Sullivan Ballou

    What is your biggest creative doubt?
    My ideas, stories, and style aren't worth being read. Saying I'm a writer feels like a lie. I'm an imposter. How presumptuous to put myself in the same boat with Faulkner, King, Hemingway, and Poe!

    What historical time would you most like to live in?
    The mid to late 1800s. What an incredible time of development and discovery - the light bulb, the telephone, blue jeans! So many men and women I admire lived during this Gilded Age.

    What's the last book you didn't finish reading, and why did you put it down?
    I rarely do not finish a book, but WE by Yevgeny Zamyatin wore me down. A story set in the One State, where everyone lives for the collective good and individual freedom does not exist. Written in 1921, Zamyatin is considered the inventor of science fiction dystopia. The story is said to have inspired George Orwell's 1984 and Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. I didn't finish it due to the style of writing. It was difficult to stay interested in the millionth dystopian story, even if it was the first one.

    What is the most unbelievable thing that has ever happened to you?
    Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss) and I were pen pals. And Stephen King once called me to talk (it's a long story). I laughed at him when he said "Hi, this is Stephen King calling from Maine." Instead of being surprised and humbled, I said "Yeah right. Nice try. Who is this really?" He's a wonderfully kind person.

    What does your creative process look like?
    I'm a pantser whose ideas seem to morph out of nowhere. It's like ideas are ping pong balls rattling around the box of my mind, and when two collide, they stick to form the heart of a story. I often formulate the story in my head for a long time, playing with scenes, conversations, and outcomes. I write my first draft longhand on yellow pads, and later transpose it to a WORD file on my laptop. I seem to edit and revise ad nauseam. "A work is never truly completed but abandoned"


Craig Crawford

The Dark Zone

Craig grew up reading constantly. After being wowed by so many great novels he wondered if he could do it too.  Since 2020 he’s published seventeen shorts with five more due out in 2023 plus a serial. He writes sci-fi, fantasy, horror, humor—whatever his imagination gives him.


Mia Dalia

Mistakes Were Made

Mia is an internationally published author of dark speculative fiction. Her work’s been featured in a variety of publications online and in print. Her novelettes (Smile So Red, The Trunk, and Spindel) are out on Amazon. Her debut novel, Estate Sale, was released by Black Ink Fiction in April of 2023.


Ivan de Monbrison

The thieves

Ivan is a schizoid writer from France born in 1969 and affected by various types of mental disorders, he has published some poems in the past, he’s mostly an autodidact.


Delta N.A.

California Blue, cover image

The artworks signed by the duo Delta N. A. are present in numerous public and private collections and have been exhibited in solo and group shows across Europe, U.S.A. and Asia.


Elizabeth Wadsworth Ellis

The Little Boy

Elizabeth was an outside child, conceived outside marriage, wed outside her culture, served outside her country in Serbia, Sofia and Russia, and holds beliefs outside her upbringing. She has jumped outside airplanes.


Marco Etheridge

Red Sea Holiday

Marco is a writer, occasional playwright, and part-time poet. He lives in Austria. His writing has been published around the globe. When not crafting stories, Marco is a contributing editor and layout grunt for a new ‘Zine called Hotch Potch.


Louis Faber

The New Gods

Louis’s work has appeared in Constellations, Alchemy Spoon, Arena Magazine, Dreich, Atlanta Review, The Poet, Glimpse, Defenestration, Tomorrow and Tomorrow, North of Oxford, and was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. His book The Right to Depart was published by Plain View Press.


Zary Fekete

Alice and Roses

Zary has been featured in various publications including NonBinary Review, Bag of Bones Press, and Mangoprism, has a debut chapbook of short stories out from Alien Buddha Press and a novelette, In the Beginning, coming out in May 2023 from ELJ Publications.


Jeff Fleischer

The Paper Cut

Jeff fiction has appeared in more than seventy publications including the Chicago Tribune’s Printers Row Journal, Shenandoah, the Saturday Evening Post and So It Goes by the Kurt Vonnegut Museum and Library. His fiction collection, Animal Husbandry, is forthcoming from Running Wild Press. 

“The Paper Cut” was originally published in Jet Fuel Review. 


J K Gibson

Timepiece

J K Gibson is a retired ad salesman whose life is filled with Greek history/mythology and scifi. When not adventure motorcycling around Greece he is pursuing his hobby of fantasizing on his laptop about science fiction.


Alejo Rovira Goldner

I Watched the Slaughter Film and Was Ejected From the Faith

Alejo left Spain to settle in Southern California where he also publishes under the name “Alex M. Frankel.” He’s been nominated for a Best of the Net and Pushcart Prize and his latest chapbook is So Many Mouths at the End of All Beauty.


Liam Hogan

Seven Ships

Liam has stories in Best of British Science Fiction and in Best of British Fantasy (NewCon Press). He’s been published by Analog, Daily Science Fiction, and Flame Tree Press, among others. He helps host live literary event Liars’ League, and volunteers at the creative writing charity Ministry of Stories. 

“Seven Ships” was previously published in Liars’ League, November 2014.

  • Many artists and authors are creative in multiple disciplines. What other types of art do you create?
    My penmanship is, alas, deplorable, (a spider, having dipped its legs in ink, and crawling across the page...) as is my ability to draw, but I've been through spells of being a decent enough photographer. Which led to one book-cover author portrait, and a couple of weddings, as well as a very small number of images sent to publications that I've also sent my words to.

    How old were you when you produced your first work? How was it received?
    I was first published at the age of 9, in the children's section of the local newspaper, completing a story prompt that the newspaper set. And I got paid the best possible way (for me, for then) - book tokens. This may have given me an unrealistically rosy idea of the publishing industry, that I've been steadily demolishing ever since.

    What is the single best sentence you've ever read?
    What is your most evocative memory? For a while, the smell of poorly combusted petrol or the noise of a two-stroke engine would have me clenching my jaw and stomach. This, after a rather miserable attempt to jet-ski, in a wet suit too big for me (and so unable to keep me warm) on a ski that kept choking out, throwing me repeatedly into a cold sea.

    What is your biggest creative doubt?
    That I might not be able to tell if something I've written is any good or not. Some stories I refuse to trunk have now done the rounds. Am I deluding myself that they are actually GOOD stories, and that I've merely been unlucky and not landed on the right editor's desk at the right time?

    What historical time would you most like to live in?
    Now. Or, more strictly, that short-lived period before Trump and Brexit and covid when it actually looked like things were on the up (despite climate change and all the rest!)

    What is the most unbelievable thing that has ever happened to you?
    Being on the 44th floor of a New York skyscraper on the morning of 9/11. Watching it unfold on the TV screens.

    Whose work do you feel most resembles your own?
    There are authors whose style I would like to, if not emulate, then at least match, the pithy dark humour of Vonnegut, the absurdist but still fierce logic of Douglas Adams, the clarity of writing of Asimov. But I really don't think anyone's writing resembles mine, and sometimes even mine doesn't. I try and write for the piece in question, so while certain POVs and linguistic tricks are common, as sometimes is a theme of hero avoidance and bad things just happening to my characters, I'm not sure how easy it would be to pick out one of my stories from a pile. But maybe I'm not the one best suited to that judgement.

    What does your creative process look like?
    A couple of scribbled lines on a bus or tube become a couple of paragraphs in a word document, and might never be looked at again, unless there's a deadline those words might just fit, or the idea keeps flowing. And then a mad polish and edit as the deadline looms, all made much harder because in between, a dozen more scribbled lines and document stubs have somehow appeared.


Janis Butler Holm

Post-Apocalypse

Janis served as Associate Editor for Wide Angle, the film journal, and currently works as a writer and editor in sunny Los Angeles. Her prose, poems, art, and performance pieces have appeared in small-press, national, and international magazines.


Harry Kneiszel

A Body Scrub Made of Dawn Dish Soap and Pulped Up Dreams

Henry is a non-binary writer from the wild midwest. You can find their poetry in Star*Line, Untenured, and Mutiny! Henry is also a visual artist and one of the founding members of an experimental performance group called the Three Ring Goose Circus. 


Serge Lecomte

Revenge

Serge earned an MA and Ph.D. from Vanderbilt University in Russian Literature with a minor in French Literature. In 1988 he received a B.A. from the University of Alaska Fairbanks in Spanish Literature. He worked as a language teacher at the University of Alaska (1978-1997). 


Matt McGee

The Chalupa Gangsta

Matt writes in the Los Angeles area. In 2022 his work has appeared in Gypsum Tales, Sweetycat Press and Red Penguin. When not typing he drives around in rented cars and plays goalie in local hockey leagues.


Amuri Morris

Wedding Bells

Amuri is an artist based in Richmond, Va. She recently graduated from painting/ printmaking and business at Virginia Commonwealth University. Throughout the years she has acquired several artistic accolades. She aims to promote diversity in art canon, specifically focusing on the black experience.


Greg Nooney

Stilettos

Greg worked as a therapist for over 35 years, and conducted numerous workshops. His book Diagnosing and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Guide for Social Workers and all Frontline Staff was published by NASW Press. He is working on a novel about a character with dissociative identity disorder.


Nweke, Benard Okechukwu

Bedlam

Benard is the winner of the 2022 Neptune Prime Poetry prize. His works have appeared in the Ballast Journal, Kalahari Review, World Voices Magazine, West Trade Review, Querencia Press LLC 2022 anthology, Thresposs 2022 anthology, Rogue Agent, Eboquils, and elsewhere. .

  • Many artists and authors are creative in multiple disciplines. What other types of art do you create?
    Thank you so much for this question. I have always had this close admiration for photography outside of poetry as an alternative to telling my stories I cannot ordinarily, and easily tell as a reserved person. Because most times, irrespective of my discipline, I still have this modicum of talking sparingly.

    So, the rest of what I should say is captured in photography as a craft in art.

    How old were you when you produced your first work? How was it received?
    I was 17 when I wrote what looked like my first work back in secondary school. Funny enough, it was a romance—a lovey-dovey poem I crafted as a boy without a lover. Yes. It is funny. It would beat people’s philosophy of love that one does not know the camp of thieves without rubbing shoulders with them. But, the truth is, creativities see beyond direct experiences.

    Although, two of my classmates then were in a pupa relationship. I had watched them several times holding each other’s waist, looking at each other, eyeball to eyeball, and sometimes wetting their lips in the process. One question led to another, and she responded, “I see love. Nothing more”. So, I quickly titled the poem, “If You Ever Leave”, which she, my classmate’s lover took home from my desk.

    Conscious enough in 2018, I wrote what was received greatly audience-wise on social medium, (media)—Facebook. It was shared by the netizens. Because it bothered the political shenanigans at home. And, it is witty to say, that a poet is a man of all weather. Sufficing to say, for me, that the ill-infested political system at home is bittersweet. Because for a poet, every door, closed, is a door, open. Call it death.

    What is the single best sentence you've ever read?
    My single sentence which I even repeat in my prayers is, “Everything good will come”. A sentence credited to a Nigerian-American novelist, Sefi Atta. I first read the sentence somewhere when I was worried about something before I realized it is the title of a novel by Sefi, about a girl growing into a woman in Nigeria and England. This sentence is not only loved by its conciseness, but also buried in high optimism. You need to read it repeatedly so you com to terms with the aesthetics. I wish I could frame it on the wall of my heart. I just wish I could.

    What is your most evocative memory?
    Yes. The crisis I know remains an indelible evocative memory that keeps returning to find me home. Although, I was not in the canoe that got wrecked; I only left my bones somewhere beside the captain.

    So, it always reminds me how my feelings should not be free from worries about the dead without ritual publicity. It could come in the form of one, or two of the victims visiting my sleep and all that.

    What is your biggest creative doubt?
    Well, if I ever doubted my creative strength, it should be not gaining access to international magazines, or journals, let alone receiving a shipped contributor’s copy(ies) from outside my shore. It is not an inferiority complex thing.

    The thing is, there is this feeling of not improving in your art after a series of turndowns from home publishing houses. They would return my email with a big blow.

    But, as minutes are lost into hours, days into weeks, I began to penetrate them, and then to international.

    What does your creative process look like?
    Well, my creative process has always taken the shape of amoeba. I mean, I do not write like most creatives. What I am trying to say is, as a student, combining engagements of commanding meals to your table, and then, the process of creating words can be shitty, to say the least, especially at the intensity of the former.

    And, as a trainee journalist, I left night a cocoon for writing, sometimes. And, I always work and pray to grow pass the stage where the basic need does not suppress the secondary ones. Perhaps, someday, I will outgrow it. Just someday.


Donald Patten

Mask Gleaners

Donald is an artist from Belfast, Maine. He is currently a senior in the Bachelor of Fine Arts program at the University of Maine. As an artist, he produces oil paintings and graphic novels. Artworks of his have been exhibited in galleries across the Mid-Coast region of Maine.


bart plantenga

A Personal History of the Cherry Bomb

bart is the author of Beer Mystic, Radio Activity Kills, and Ocean GroOve, short story collection Wiggling Wishbone and novella Spermatagonia: The Isle of Man and wander memoirs Paris Scratch and NY Sin Phoney in Face Flat Minor


Matthew Scotney

Snap!

Matthew is a freelance writer hailing from central Florida. Focused on nonfiction articles and creative prose, he wishes to build experience in both education through writing and making full use of his imagination, mainly in science fiction, fantasy, and crime stories.


Sherry Shahan

Daddy Drinks the Poison

Sherry is a teal-haired septuagenarian who grows potatoes in the cardboard box that delivered a stereo. Her art has appeared in Rattle (cover), Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Backpacker, Country Living and elsewhere. She holds an MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts.


J. J. Steinfeld

History

J. J. is the author of 24 books, including Gregor Samsa Was Never in The Beatles (Stories, 2019), Morning Bafflement and Timeless Puzzlement (Poetry, 2020), Somewhat Absurd, Somehow Existential (Poetry, 2021), Acting on the Island (Stories, 2022), and As You Continue to Wait (Poetry, 2022).

“History” was previously published in Forms of Captivity and Escape, (Stories,1988). 


Ian Tash

Of Biblical Proportions

Ian’s poetry has appeared in Haiku Journal and Orpheus, and his writing has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Amendo, Sci Phi Journal, and the anthology Noncorporeal. He enjoys crafting stories that play with spaces both sacred and secular.


Matias Travieso-Diaz

King Peroz and His Pearl

Matias has over seventy of his short stories published or accepted for publication in anthologies and paying magazines, blogs, audio books and podcasts. A first collection of his stories, The Satchel and Other Terrors was released in February 2023.


Rachel Whitfield

The Day My Husband Died

Rachel holds degrees in English and Marketing from the University of Oklahoma. They are fascinated by the intersection of visual art and poetry, and they enjoy using magazines and newspapers to create.


Reza Zarghamee

King Peroz and his Pearl

Reza is a practicing environmental attorney who holds a PhD in Ancient History from the University of St. Andrews in Scotland. His historical publications include a critically acclaimed biography of Cyrus the Great and numerous published articles on Persian history topics.